Game Week 20 | ASTORIA

Attendance:
Jon Fisch
Dan Allen
Big Jay Oakerson
Nate
Ted Alexandro
Max Lance
Moody
Rondell
Keith Alberstadt
Jeremy Schachter
Tim Young
Randolf

Team with the Most Wins:

Five on Five
Fisch, Lance, Oakerson, Young, and Schachter (3 out 5 games)

Three on Three
Fisch, Young, and Nate (2 out of 3)

MVPs:
Young. Although this was his first game of the season, he was able to dominate in the paint and pounded out some threes. His publicist said he will play more once his face mask is complete. Young chipped a subatomic-size piece of tooth last year during a run-in with Lissow's elbow(which was odd because Lissow is so low to the ground). The mask is being fabricated in India out of non-petroleum based, recyclable plastic. Young said his pre-game secret was stretching and meditating to the sound of whales masturbating.

Injuries:
Some speculated that while attempting a lay-up, Alberstadt stepped on the exposed bolts securing the post to the ground and others thought he had hit his knee on the post. Alberstadt went down immediately and rolled around holding his leg while shrieking in pain. Oakerson was heard saying, "Hey Moody don't be so happy just because you get to play now." Everyone can agree Moody is an opportunist. It turned out that Alberstadt was just suffering from recurring patella problem. Randolph seemed extremely confident that his skilled hands could massage the problem away. Things got uncomfortable as he gently worked the inner thigh region. The players kept reminding Randolph that Alberstadt's knee was the problem. Lance uncharacteristically bought (with his own money) a bag of ice to alleviate the pain. Allen was surprised by his monetary generosity and brought it to Lance's attention. Lance responded, "You're such asshole."

Arguments:
Lance was adamant that the final score of one game was 16-8 not 16-4 (which Allen had erroneously announced numerous times). Allen then said, "Okay Max, whatever you say. How about sixteen to fifteen point nine nine repeating? You know what? You still lost."

Sidenote:
Lance had to leave to watch a Jennifer Aniston movie. He offered everyone a free ticket to join him. All the players awkwardly looked away. One player actually pulled his waistband forward to make sure he still had testicles. Once he confirmed that they were in fact intact, he realized Lance must have been directing that offer to someone else.